Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Feng Shui of Bachelorhood

According to my mother, women judge the depth of a man’s readiness for a relationship on the arrangement of his furniture. (And other things, of course.) The specifics of her belief have always been conveyed to me regarding the placement of my bed. She feels that a bed placed in a corner suggests to a woman that he’s not ready for an equal partnership. In such a situation, one partner always has to get in first/last. On the other hand, she is of the opinion that if the aforementioned bed is placed in the center of the wall with access on both sides, it suggests the man is ready to actually share that bed with someone. In her world, women pay attention to this kind of thing. Since she’s a woman and apparently pays attention to bed placement, I assume there must be other women who share this perspective.
She probably has a point. I have a friend in his early twenties who is an amazing cook with a rather Spartan apartment. While hanging out with him and eating over a time or two, he has one extremely noticeable piece of furniture lacking. He doesn’t have a kitchen table of any kind. Honestly, he doesn’t really have room for one, but even one he could put away in a closet when it wasn’t needed would, in my opinion, be a good idea. It seems to me that in a decent search to end his bachelorhood, this is something a woman might notice.
When I describe him as an amazing cook, I honestly think his cooking good enough to woo any decent woman with. He’s a bigger guy and a computer programmer, but reasonably active, and his gourmet is so good that he could probably land a drop dead gorgeous girl, just with the food. He has other merits as well, but I can’t emphasize enough the quality of his meals.
I find myself wondering, however, if that noticeable lack of a dining table wouldn’t hamper his cause were he actually trying to woo a woman worthy of him. (Drop dead gorgeous or otherwise, I realize looks aren't everything). Not because a woman worthy of him wouldn’t overlook something “small” like that, but due to the impression he might be giving off. Arguably a man who doesn't even own a kitchen table could be perceived as not quite ready for the rigors of sharing adult life with a partner. This is assuming my mom’s idea of the feng shui of bachelorhood is accurate.
Thanks to my education in English Literature and rhetoric, I pay a lot of attention to what small things like clothing, furniture, et cetera say about people, so this all may just be the result of me being hyper-observant.
So, I’m curious. Ladies, what do you think about the Feng Shui of Bachelorhood? Does the idea have merit, or is it ridiculous?

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