Thursday, June 7, 2012

Wishing I Were Somehow Here Again

I am back. I took an unintended break from writing due to distraction, illness and general lack of motivation. I guess you could even say I was kind of down for a while. Part of that, I am certain, was because I stopped writing every day. It definitely has a positive effect on my general mood.

I have also been playing Diablo III, like many gamers out there. That is and was a major distraction. Is it the perfect game? No. Is it Diablo? Yes. It is more or less what I would expect from a Diablo sequel. It reminds me of Solitaire, most of the time: a nice, mindless way to spend time. Though Diablo is much more life consuming than Solitaire is. Though unlike that oh-so-popular card game, Diablo can be played with friends, which is what I did for about six hours last night. Four of us called each other up on Skype, and just ran through with our characters, laughing, chatting, killing demons and undead and dying frequently. Well, I died frequently. I tend to be a little gung-ho and get my toon stuck in the middle of impossible situations. I have decided that Diablo III needs titles and my barbarian’s name would be Ulhaduun the Dying.

It is difficult to find a good balance between games like that and getting out and about, especially when a lot of your friends play. I get so caught up in the game that the hours are eaten away quickly. It isn’t as satisfying to spend time that way when others things get pushed to the sidelines. My guitar stands silent in the corner, my French grows ever further from the years I studied it, my letter to my friend in Britain remains unsent and my writing goes unwritten. Balance, always trying to find that balance.

That isn’t to say I have been totally secluded. I continue to teach my dance class, play D&D with the same friends I play Diablo with, hang out with Tia on occasion, and I have finally started going to rehearsals for The Music Man again. I haven’t skipped them, I simply haven’t been scheduled for them. It was a weird feeling, being part of a production that I didn’t have rehearsals for three weeks in a row. I wasn’t terribly far from quitting, to be completely honest. I lost most of my motivation for that as well. When I finally felt well enough to attend my scheduled rehearsal Monday, it went well enough that I am comfortable with the idea again. It will all be over in a month anyway, after which I am going to take a break from acting until autumn at very least. I want to enjoy the summer.

Current drives continue to be more writing and a more active lifestyle. My mind gets a lot of work, but my body not as much. I can feel it, see it, weigh it and I am dissatisfied with it. I have reduced my yoga class over the last month to once a week, which has contributed to my lack of energy. I am one of those people who is more awake the more activity I have in my life. I am more exhausted and tired from hours in a chair than I am from hiking up a series of small waterfalls.

Work continues to be inadequate. My boss gives me what he can and has taught and offered to teach me things that I am fairly certain he wouldn’t offer to anyone else working here, since he doesn’t really trust other people to get things right. It is nice compliment and I will take whatever he offers. I am still suffering through the endless bureaucracy surrounding the copywriting position I applied for. They hired one woman for the three positions they had available and gave me the work for two flows of copy. Last the manager spoke to me, they were discussing creating a position tailored to the work I have been doing and the tools I am capable of using. I need to set myself a timeline, then start looking for a better position. My starting wage isn’t comfortable enough for my finances. If it means I need to go elsewhere, than so be it. I can’t support anyone but myself right now, and I want to be able to. For example, I would like to get a dog.

I am a fan of big dogs. My parents bought our first dog when I was eight or so and she was an Airedale Terrier. Since then we have had three labs and one half lab/retriever. They currently have two Labradors. I owned a Doberman before I left for Japan. I miss that particular relationship, and I have come to realize that I would almost rather have a dog than a significant other. Not that I wouldn’t welcome both.

My ideal pet is a Newfoundland, or some other large dog like it. I wouldn’t mind another Dobie, a Mastiff, Dane, or even a German Shepherd. I don’t intend to buy one outright, since they tend to be expensive, but I wouldn’t mind rescuing a younger dog. There are plenty of pups out there in need of homes. Though, I would really like to raise my own dog. My Doberman, Charlie, was a rescue from a guy who got so angry with him he abandoned him at the dog park outside the local animal shelter on a holiday when no one was there. He was a little hard to train to come because of it. It’s all moot at this point anyway. I don’t live in a place that allows dogs OR has a fenced yard. So that needs to happen first.

I continue to look forward to my “ideal” life. Four wheel drive vehicle, Hobie cat sailboat, dog. From there, it can go whatever direction it likes and I’ll be content. A family is still on the list, but that’ll happen when it happens.

Until tomorrow.

And a thousand words, goodnight.


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