Woman, how we have failed you.
I’m not the perfect man. I’m no prince on a white horse. If
I’m a knight at all, I’m a knight in ill-fitting, dented armor. I have lost my fair share of jousts. I’m picky, and
on the surface, I seem shallow. I have my preferences and at face value they
very well may seem like appearance is far too important to me. I won’t
apologize for them, because they’re mine, and I am content to like what I like.
If you’re curious, my taste in women is like my taste in music. Eclectic, but
with a preference for a general type. I like petite women, but that’s neither
here or now. (And alternative rock, if you're really curious.)
What I am not, is the man who is going to tear you down
because you don’t suit my tastes. I owe you more respect than that, whoever you
are, however you’re built. I owe myself more respect than to treat you like you
have failed me by not living up to my expectations. The problem here isn’t you.
It’s the man who expects you to fit his expectations and takes it out on you
instead of owning his opinions and preferences.
Woman, I am sorry. How we have failed you. How we have
broken so many of you with our failure to take responsibility for our own
tastes. How have we broken so many of you? Who taught you to have such
misplaced respect for the thoughtlessness of men? What men in your past failed
to build you up as you deserved, what women failed to teach you to respect
yourself beyond the weight of a man’s opinions?
This apology isn’t license for complaint. I have no sympathy
for the woe-is-me of the dissatisfied pouring out their bitterness on
Craigslist. The rampant insecurity is, quite frankly, exhausting, and
exponentially less attractive than any physical feature that is either in
excess or lacking. Whoever said the most attractive thing a woman can wear is
her confidence had it right. (That goes for men as well.) Wear it like baseball
player’s lucky underwear.
Woman, I can give you nothing but my own perspective. My
raw, honest, 90-degree from the stereotype perspective. If you take something
from that perspective, I don’t want it to be simply the literal weight of my
words. Take the understanding that different people want different things. Take
the understanding that there’s someone out there who thinks your body is
beautiful, who loves your broken nose or your button nose, someone who desires
a woman just like you.
One of my major incongruities with the drooling, poorly
mannered slobs who treat women as though they are tools for masturbation rather
than partners in life, activity, and joyful acts of mutual exploration, is that
I’m not particularly fond of large breasts as a rule, and certainly almost
entirely against the concept of aesthetic surgery excepting reasons of health
and reconstruction. I have an eye for subtle detail and smaller breasts do not
detract from the natural shape of a woman’s structure. I enjoy their
sensitivity, the lasting nature of their perkiness, and find the most
fascinating curve of a woman has much more to do with the line of her ribs as
it gives way to the valley of her waist before rising with the swell of her
hip.
It astounds me how many of the women I meet who take my
breath away honestly believe the mirror is their worst enemy. Women blind to
the fact that every eye in the room has noticed her, whether she’s in yoga
pants or an evening dress. Women convinced that they are, in their own words,
undeserving of attention and simply unattractive.
Who did this to them? Who cut them down? Who cut them short
and belittled their beauty as they grew? Who was it that failed to get the
message when they read the story of the Ugly Duckling and pecked at her
self-esteem until she failed to recognize the swan when her feathers finally
turned white?
It makes me livid.
I am sorry we have failed so many of you. You deserve
better. You deserve to wear push-up bras, water bras, no bra and have the
gentleman for whom you want to take them off enjoy you as you are. You deserve to
have him be happy you let him see you without one in the first place instead of
being a total cock-fuck who thinks its okay to treat a woman like she’s just the
grass on this side of the fence. You deserve to know, without getting vain or
prideful about it, that you are beautiful and desired by men who want
you, just the way you are.
Woman, how we have failed you.
I can’t give you anything but a promise to be the change I
want to see in the world. I’ll hold that door for you, I’ll treasure your gifts
to me, offer you my vision of the swan you are and ask for nothing in return. I
won’t take you for granted. I won’t tear you down when you’ve granted me your
vulnerability, passion, and intimacy. When I teach, when I talk, I’ll try to be
the actions louder than words, an example, and pass on the respect you deserve
from other men. When the moment calls for it, I. will. demand. it. from them. You deserve
no less.
I recently started teaching a new follow how to dance. She
asked what she owed me in exchange for her first lesson and I told her the pleasure of her company was enough.
The truth is I’d do it just for the chance to stare into her eyes. They may be
the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve seen in my entire life. And that's enough.
-m0rg4n
